Blessings of Continued Revelation

    Tomorrow is Eliza's 3 week birthday! I really can't believe how fast that went (I think I probably prayed away the first 2 weeks). We have been home 3 days now and LOVE it! Eliza is awake most of the night, but doesn't really fuss. She gets crabby about every 3 hours when she is ready to eat again, that is really the only time I hear her get upset. She is very sweet and loves to snuggle. Joseph is in love with her cute little fingers and her soft skin. Hyrum loves wave to her from a distance and giver her occasional head kisses. I am in love with my little family. Jason went back to work which I think is proving to be a little harder than anticipated. He misses us I think. We miss him too. I can't wait for the weather to get warmer so that we can do fun stuff outside. Right now it's just cold enough for me not to want to take Eliza out unless I have to. But the boys love to go on walks, ride bikes, and play at the park. I think they are getting a little cabin fever (good thing we have a cute little sister to look at all day!). 

  I was thinking about our hospital stay (and how glad we are not there anymore), wondering how I managed to make it out of there with my sanity. This got me thinking of all the miracles that happened that I was unaware of until I had time to think of them. The list of miracles started with the doctor's visit before the hospital. We pulled in to the appointment about 20 min late and they pulled us back to a room immediately, I didn't have to keep my baby in the waiting room at all to witness another seizure without the help of medical professionals. When she did have another seizure it was in the arms of the nurse who promptly responded and before the end of it there was a whole team of doctors in the room to help Eliza. Five minutes later the paramedics where there and they were two mom's about my age that had children my kids age, this calmed me almost instantly. I am so grateful for the medical professionals who were there and acted so fast. I am also so grateful for our pediatrician, I have liked him from the very start of Joseph's life and he continues to "wow" me with his knowledge and professional bed side manner. I know he truly cares about his little patients. 

   Having been only two days postpartum, recovering from a pretty fast delivery, I was pretty sore to say the least. I was tired, hadn't eaten, and could barely walk, yet some how I had the strength to stand at Eliza's bed for days without end. The hospital staff was so good to me! They made sure I had a rocking chair and told me to sit when they could see me falling asleep at her bed side, they brought me juice (which was the only thing I could barely hold down), sandwiches, offered up their soft chairs, and just talked with me to keep me occupied of other things (which I needed desperately). I remember looking at Eliza laying there, hooked up to all sorts of machines, doped up on medications, twitching from side effects of the medicines, and just sobbing. I couldn't control myself, I was just sobbing. The night nurse, Reny, came in and witnessed my breakdown (the first of many) and in a quiet broken voice told me to just pray. At that point I needed to be reminded that my Heavenly Father could not be forgotten and that not only were my friends and family praying for Eliza, but so were the nurses. 

  I think sometimes I avoid the spirit because I don't like to cry. I know that seems silly, but it's true. I was just talking with my friends about it a few months ago. I feel like I'm not very in tune with the spirit and I wasn't sure if it was because I tend to push it away, because I hate crying, or if it's because I'm some how unworthy to feel His promptings. While in the hospital I didn't care about any sort of socializing, I didn't want to talk to anyone, I didn't want to  talk about what was going on because it made me scared and sad and that would make me cry. So I avoided people and anything that would break me. All the while I was receiving promptings to talk with my Heavenly Father, that he would give me strength. I avoided these promptings for as long as I could. Finally I saw that, even while avoiding these promptings, the love of my Heavenly Father never left me and I owed him and everyone who had been carrying me. I was provided the strength to talk with my Heavenly Father, and with that communication was given more council to continue reading the conference talks as I was before Eliza was born. With this council I realized that I suddenly had been given permission to sit down and be uplifted. This not only helped to heal me physically but also spiritually. I received strength from the words of the prophets. I read a few talks that confirmed to me that my faith was lacking and that I needed to allow the spirit in.

 "Continuing Revelation" by President Henry B Eyring- October 2014 General Conference

 "We all know that human judgment and logical thinking will not be enough to get answers to the questions that matter most in life. We need revelation from God. And we will need not just one revelation in a time of stress, but we need a constantly renewed stream. We need not just one flash of light and comfort, but we need the continuing blessing of communication with God."

 "The Holy Ghost shall be thy constant companion"

"Guided Safely Home" by President Thomas S Monson- October 2014 General Conference

  "We are strengthened by the truth that the greatest force in the world today is the power of God as it works through man. To sail safely the seas of mortality, we need the guidance of that Eternal Mariner—even the great Jehovah. We reach out, we reach up to obtain heavenly help."

  The last week that we were in the hospital I had this song stuck in my head, I didn't know where it came from, it wasn't a song that I had just heard. The words were just on repeat in my head. I asked Jason what song it was. "How Firm a Foundation". I didn't recognize the song because the words were not in the first verse but the second and third. 

1. 1. In ev'ry condition--in sickness, in health,

      In poverty's vale or abounding in wealth,
      At home or abroad, on the land or the sea--
      As thy days may demand, as thy days may demand,
      As thy days may demand, so thy succor shall be.
   2. 3. Fear not, I am with thee; oh, be not dismayed,
      For I am thy God and will still give thee aid.
      I'll strengthen thee, help thee, and cause thee to stand,
      Upheld by my righteous, upheld by my righteous,
      Upheld by my righteous, omnipotent hand.

   It's crazy to me how our Heavenly Father and Savior speak to us. There are so many different ways, through scriptures, promptings, dreams, church speakers and lessons, blessings, the list goes on. Sometimes they will try every way possible for you to listen and you just can't hear it or you push it away, But they never stop trying to reach you, NEVER. They will keep trying until you are ready to hear and reap the benefits of their spirit. I know that this song was what I needed for me to remember two things, that I need my Heavenly Father and that He will never leave me, he will always keep trying to reach me.