15 Years

To some 15 years seems like a short amount of time, for others it is an eternity. For me, 15 years is half of my life, as I will be 30 tomorrow (I am the age now that my mother was when she had me (how's the for super weird!?!).

I had the absolute privilege of having my sister and her family in town two weeks ago. I got to meet my new niece Kairi for the first time and to spend time laughing, and talking, and traveling with my sister for a week! I miss them so much it hurts and I don't think I have been the same since they left.

It has been 15 years since I have lived with my older siblings on a constant, live in, basis. I was 15 when I left my home in Washington and came to California to live with my Dad, and though it was a move that needed to happen and my life was improved because of it, I now see the damage and pain that my parents divorce has caused. I feel robbed! I miss so much the crazy times with my siblings, I HATE that I didn't have more with them, and I hate even more that I can't be a part of their lives and the lives of their children. I'm angry that I only get to see my siblings (if I'm lucky) once every two years and for only a short time (really only enough time to get caught up, never enough time to get to know them all over). I am so impressed every time I see my siblings or talk to them on the phone, how grown up they are and how incredible adults they have become.

Last time all of us were together 2014

I love to see my brother Derek be a dad, he is so incredible with his babies and so loving to his wife. He just turned in to this amazing man! My baby brother is not a baby anymore! He is a full size grown man with a beard and a wife! He has a job and pays bills. So crazy, I still can't get over the fact that he has armpit hair! Haha. My sister, I love her! I remember loving her always, even when we didn't get a long (which was most always). I wish more than anything that we could be neighbors. Our babies can grow up together, she can cook for me, and I can clean for her. We could shop together EVERYDAY! It is so fun to watch her be a wonderful momma! She sings to her baby, and reads to her, and laughs with her, and just loves her with more love that I have ever seen Laura posses. Ahhh, how I wish to be a witness to these moments regularly. But since I can't, I will admire them from afar, and when we do have moments together I will cherish them forever.