Who Ordered a Red Head?

Eliza is almost completely off the drug that dopes her up and has certainly been living up to her red hair. We LOVE it. She has attitude and it is so fun. Yesterday Jason even stated that he did not order a red head and I had a good long laugh. I am so glad she is a feisty red head, she may not be here today if she wasn't!

I wanted to share a little about how Miss Eliza came to be and to share that story there is a little background story that needs to be shared as well. When Jason and I had been married for a year we decided that we wanted to start our family. It was exciting to be at that stage in our lives, like it was the first actual HUGE grown up decision that we could make and we were making it. I knew maybe it would take some time to get pregnant due to some earlier diagnosis of PCOS in my late teen years, but I think I didn't really understand. I just assumed that I could get pregnant the first month like most of my friends! haha. I was wrong! Two years later I became bitter and pretty much disliked anyone who had kids and, I'm ashamed to say, I really didn't like the kids either. I had been on fertility drugs for 4 months and those things screw up your hormones so I got super fat, broke out all over my face, and cried over everything and pretty much hated anything and everything, including myself. I was depressed to say the least. I tried to keep quiet about my internal physical and emotional struggle because I knew it could be much worse and knew people who had struggled for 10+ years with no success. I was ready to give up and had decided to look in to adoption, and as soon as we made that decision I suddenly felt relief and peace. During the 2 years that I struggled with my worst self I made promises to my Heavenly Father, that I won't share here, and he made promises to me. The next month I found out I was pregnant with Joseph! Funny how things work out. I was terrified that it wasn't real or that I would miscarry so we kept it a secret for 16 weeks. And when we finally spilled the beans it became real and terrifying all at the same time. 

 Joseph 8/14/10

After Joseph was born we decided that we wouldn't wait to conceive again, knowing my history. After a year with no pregnancy I went on fertility meds again. After a few months my pain became pretty bad and I decided to go have a check up. The Dr told me that I was to discontinue the fertility meds that day due to my ovaries being on the verge of erupting. My Dr then told me that I should be happy with the one child I had and to not count on having anymore due to the damage that had been done to my system. I was pretty emotional and angry, but decided that we would once again look in to adoption. 4 months off of the medication I was pregnant with Hyrum! 

Hyrum 3/23/13

Shortly after Hyrum was born I received a prompting to continue to grow our family. I thought this was NUTS and pretty much laughed off that prompting. I thought, "this is crazy, I have a three month old and my body has still yet to recover". Not only that but I knew he was a miracle and I was perfectly content with just having the two boys and not growing our family anymore. So I brushed that prompting aside and went on with my life. Due to the promises that I made with my Heavenly Father, there was little I could do to prevent any pregnancy so I became pregnant pretty quickly after my prompting. I was SHOCKED to say the least! I mean, I know what makes a baby, so I guess I really shouldn't have been so shocked, but with my history I figured it would take another two years to get pregnant and by then I would be ready. Haha, guess our Heavenly Father had a different plan for me and for Eliza, because that's when this little red head came to be. 

The pregnancy was pretty much perfect. I didn't have any of the same growth problems that I had with the boys that caused them to be small and weak in the beginning. I had all the same nausea and fatigue as I did with the boys. Nothing out of the ordinary to make me thing that Eliza would have issues after birth. When she was born I cried as she was placed on my chest and I just knew she was supposed to be here and was ashamed that I hadn't planned for her. Already she was a miracle. 

Eliza 01/10/15

Looking back, I cringe at the fact that I didn't listen to that prompting. Heavenly Father was trying to tell me that Eliza needed to be here! He has a plan for her and she, a purpose. HE is the one that ordered a red head. I am so grateful for her. I am grateful that she was born bigger and stronger than the boys, because she needed to be stronger. I am grateful for her fire, because she needed to fight. And here I sit with a little six week old baby that now keeps me up at night and fights and cries to keep awake I would be ungrateful to wish for anything else. And if I have learned anything from this experience, it would be that I am not in control. I never have been and I never will be. All three of my children came to me because of my Heavenly Father and His plan and His timing, not mine...

More Good News

Today we met with Eliza's Genetics Dr. to go over all the test results that she was tested for (These were all the metabolic tests that we were hoping she would test negative). We are so happy to know for sure that Eliza continues to be absolutely perfect, even in the metabolic since! Her Dr was thrilled to see Liza doing so well. Eliza was even awake at the time so the Dr was able to see her putting up a fight during her physical exam. There is another blood panel test that she would like to run that test Liza's actual DNA. These tests will check the spelling of her DNA to see if there is a mistake anywhere and will most likely give us an actual answer. The answer we are hoping for is Benign Neonatal Convulsions/ Seizures... This is the absolute best case scenario and so far Jason and I are pretty convinced that this is what she has (she is an exact description of the definition given online). The test is pretty expensive, so at this point the Dr is going to try to get insurance authorization (which takes about 6 weeks). We have decided that we want the test done regardless of insurance, but would like to at least try to get authorization. Once the blood is collected it is sent to a lab in Chicago so I'm sure that will be another few weeks to get the results on top of the 6 weeks to get authorization. We will meet with the Dr again in 6 months to hear those results. Exciting news today, and we are so happy!

I have to rant and rave again about the top notch service that is provided by Valley Children's Hospital! I am so grateful Jason is a part of this amazing place. We have encountered nothing but the best care by the best physicians and other health care workers. I have fallen in love with all the nurses (except one nurse in the PICU) and doctors that have been a part of Eliza's care. I truly feel like her Neurologist and her Geneticist care for Eliza. She is not just another patient to them, she is a cute little baby with red hair and blue eyes. And as they saw progress in Eliza's health, you could see victory in their expressions. They are so happy she is doing well. The Geneticist complemented me today and I had to fight back tears. She applauded my strength in the hospital, she told me that I did so well to hold it together, that I was calm and collected, and that I asked all the right "scientific" questions (haha). That meant so much to me (I'm not sure why)! I told her that I had my moments of complete break down, to which she responded that I was able to hold it together in the times that needed it. I love these people and I just feel like I want to be their friend and have them over for dinner and games! Haha. I'm a nut, but it's true. And I couldn't even care less about some of the charges coming through to our insurance that are as much as a house cost, because you just can't put a price on the care that Eliza has received and she is soooooo worth it! That said...I am so grateful for insurance and that we won't have to sell our house and live on the street! ;)

Life is Great

Yesterday was my first day back at church in over a month. I needed it so bad! Even though I was a few minutes late and missed the Sacrament, I still felt completely renewed. I also needed to be with the people who had been praying and fasting for Eliza, and I think everyone was happy to see how well she is doing and how cute she is. :) I love the support system that church offers, not only am I reminded at church that my biggest cheerleader is my Savior but that I have a whole team of people cheering me on and genuinely wishing me the best. What a great blessing! I was also released from my calling in the primary presidency while Eliza was in the hospital and so yesterday I was able to just go to my classes and not worry about anything besides learning and feeling the spirit. I have to admit I'm not sure I understand a single thing that was discussed in Gospel Doctrine class, but it felt good just to be in a room with people striving to understand the life of our Savior, just the same as me. What an amazingly thought out plan our Heavenly Father gave us.

Eliza has been weening off of one of her medications for a week now (this is the medication that makes her super sleepy), so she has many more wake times and is becoming a lot more vocal. This is exciting. I love seeing her awake with her beautiful big eyes open ( I swear I can see her giant soul in those eyes). I also feel confused because she is now starting to be a normal fussy baby that actually will cry, and I'm not used to that with her, I have to learn her and what she wants. It will come but I feel a little behind the curve and nervous.

We seem to be adjusting SUPER well. I really can't believe how easy the transition from two to three kids has been. I even feel like I'm even more put together now than I was before. I seem to be more patient, which does not come easy for me. I'm not perfect by any means (in fact I'm way below the perfect scale) but at least I feel like I'm getting better. I think I'm just so happy to be home and have happy healthy kids that I just don't care about much else and that makes me happy too. Also it helps not to be huge and pregnant anymore (that always make me grumpy). Haha. I even seem to have a little time to continue reading the General Conference talks, which I have decided is important for my daily functioning.

 I'm not sure how Jason is adjusting. He seems to be doing well. He misses the kids during the day like always, but there is a lot more responsibility waiting for him when he comes home. He loves to play with the boys and that helps me a lot. When he gets home from work it is usually when Eliza has decided to wake up for a while and it's also time for me to get dinner ready and the boys are super crazy. So usually it takes a good 30 minutes for Jason to even get to the bedroom to change out of his work clothes (no more unwinding for him in the office, that's for sure!). Amazon had a great sale on kids games the other day so we stocked up on games that were age appropriate for Joseph and for the last three days he has been playing games with the boys and that makes them super happy and me happy because they are out of my hair for 10 minutes. Haha.

Friday was such a beautiful day! I sent the boys out to play in the back yard and they didn't bother me for almost two hours! I even had time to make them a little picnic lunch that they ate on the patio. It was a good day to dig holes and get super dirty.

Life really is great and there really isn't a moment where I don't recognize these special blessings.